Interestingly I've recently listened to 'Women & the Priesthood': Man & Women podcast on the substack Theology & Reality. They have been discussing a book they were reading looking at the relationship between women and men, but it is mainly focused on the role of women. However, in the very last minutes of the final podcast they highlight how interesting it would be to have a male version of the book and briefly touched on the start of a conversation of what it means to be male.
That's something that keeps coming up in my research: oddly--despite the prevalence of men in roles of power--it can feel easier to discuss women and femininity rather than men and masculinity. One college student was quotes in Emba's piece by saying something along the lines of "There seems to be a lot of space for women to be proud of their femininity but not much space for men to be proudly masculine." I found that to be quite thought provoking!
I think I'd agree with this, although I am a women and went to a girls' school so it may also just be the circles I swim in that means I see more of the spaces for women to be proud of their femininity.
I’m looking forward to reading more of your thoughts around masculinity, Drew! In my own life, men who I felt exhibited “healthy masculinity” did not avoid expressions of emotion or vulnerability, espoused diverse interests/hobbies, and modeled authentic respect and partnership with women. In some ways, I *was* treated differently by my dad than my brothers because I was a different person with different context to my lived and future experience, but not in a way that made me feel less than or a liability to society EVER. I think about experiences where I was mistreated in cultures that had unhealthy expressions of masculinity and how it seemed like a fair bit of it could be traced back to a misplaced desire for power, a misunderstanding that only men want/need respect, or a lack of sensitivity to the complex issues and implications of being an actual woman. I think I’m continuing to learn and observe in this conversation, but I have a lot of appreciation for my dad and brothers who seem to embrace the unique individuals that they are (with diverse emotions, expressions, hobbies, and ambitions) while also empowering and encouraging the women around them to do (and be able to do) the same. Also they’re curious people who dare and care to know about the experiences of people that are different from them, and that goes a long way, even beyond issues of gender. A bit of a rambling answer, but that’s my initial reaction here!
The idea of being treated differently because of your uniqueness is so captivating to me! I was actually just thinking last night how contextual masculinity is because it needs to adapt both to the individual and to the situation he finds himself in. Your examples of your brothers and dad are SUCH beautiful examples of that! Thank you so much for sharing!
My other husband friends are all struggling in some way, for the most part. I know that I myself feel left adrift to find masculinity on my own because the masculinity I was given was mostly spiritual chest pumping and overbearing control or outright intimidation towards children and women, wives especially.
It’s hard out here. I can think of only one older man in my life that’s offering an example of how I want to live, and I work at a megachurch! Masculinity feels rotted to me.
There’s also the issue of millennial men and their economic status. Many of us are saddled with student debt and housing debt while struggling to provide for our families on wages that have stagnated for 20 or 30 years; not being able to provide for one’s family is a particular emasculation itself.
Interestingly I've recently listened to 'Women & the Priesthood': Man & Women podcast on the substack Theology & Reality. They have been discussing a book they were reading looking at the relationship between women and men, but it is mainly focused on the role of women. However, in the very last minutes of the final podcast they highlight how interesting it would be to have a male version of the book and briefly touched on the start of a conversation of what it means to be male.
That's something that keeps coming up in my research: oddly--despite the prevalence of men in roles of power--it can feel easier to discuss women and femininity rather than men and masculinity. One college student was quotes in Emba's piece by saying something along the lines of "There seems to be a lot of space for women to be proud of their femininity but not much space for men to be proudly masculine." I found that to be quite thought provoking!
I think I'd agree with this, although I am a women and went to a girls' school so it may also just be the circles I swim in that means I see more of the spaces for women to be proud of their femininity.
I’m looking forward to reading more of your thoughts around masculinity, Drew! In my own life, men who I felt exhibited “healthy masculinity” did not avoid expressions of emotion or vulnerability, espoused diverse interests/hobbies, and modeled authentic respect and partnership with women. In some ways, I *was* treated differently by my dad than my brothers because I was a different person with different context to my lived and future experience, but not in a way that made me feel less than or a liability to society EVER. I think about experiences where I was mistreated in cultures that had unhealthy expressions of masculinity and how it seemed like a fair bit of it could be traced back to a misplaced desire for power, a misunderstanding that only men want/need respect, or a lack of sensitivity to the complex issues and implications of being an actual woman. I think I’m continuing to learn and observe in this conversation, but I have a lot of appreciation for my dad and brothers who seem to embrace the unique individuals that they are (with diverse emotions, expressions, hobbies, and ambitions) while also empowering and encouraging the women around them to do (and be able to do) the same. Also they’re curious people who dare and care to know about the experiences of people that are different from them, and that goes a long way, even beyond issues of gender. A bit of a rambling answer, but that’s my initial reaction here!
The idea of being treated differently because of your uniqueness is so captivating to me! I was actually just thinking last night how contextual masculinity is because it needs to adapt both to the individual and to the situation he finds himself in. Your examples of your brothers and dad are SUCH beautiful examples of that! Thank you so much for sharing!
My other husband friends are all struggling in some way, for the most part. I know that I myself feel left adrift to find masculinity on my own because the masculinity I was given was mostly spiritual chest pumping and overbearing control or outright intimidation towards children and women, wives especially.
It’s hard out here. I can think of only one older man in my life that’s offering an example of how I want to live, and I work at a megachurch! Masculinity feels rotted to me.
There’s also the issue of millennial men and their economic status. Many of us are saddled with student debt and housing debt while struggling to provide for our families on wages that have stagnated for 20 or 30 years; not being able to provide for one’s family is a particular emasculation itself.