I struggle with receiving anything from God. I tend to think everything comes down to my performance. Intellectually I know God loves people. Working in foster care and growing up in a loving but at times very unpredictable home I see how hard it is for us all to feel loved by real people, let alone a seemingly invisible God. Thank you for this. I love orphan stories. Have you ever read the children's novel Good Night Mr., Tom? There's a bathing of an orphan scene in it that's also very moving.
Adrienne, thanks for sharing your thoughts here! I've had to spend SO MUCH TIME processing with friends and in counseling what it means to let go of my desire to perform for others and for God. It's just so much easier to live in a meritocracy in which what I do earns me favor or disfavor. But God's grace has a hold on my life and is--I believe--slowly opening me up to unearned love. It is hard to understand.
And no I have not heard of that book! That sounds beautiful!
It's a great little British story about an abused little boy sent to live with an embittered old man in the country during WW2. Both are healed by their relationship.
Requesting from the library. Thank you! I find it fascinating that we need a new lexicon for certain experiences. I often think of the hard things; my written work centers on this. But to think I need new vocabulary for good things too. Something to ponder.
One of my favorite (and least favorite) things about language is that it is inexhaustible and--at times--insufficient. There are always new ways of describing experiences, yet we often have such a difficult time putting experiences into words. It's quite the paradox.
Hi Ellie! The people around us are the hands and feet of Jesus often, and they are a reminder to me of God's love. It can be so difficult to divorce myself from a sense of reciprocity--that I can only receive love if I am actively offering it in return. That I only deserve it if I am performing well.
Yes, my struggle is *knowing* I don’t owe anyone anything, but feeling like I *want* to bring a meal over as a thank you or send back their Tupperware filled with cookies. Like, do I actually *want* to or do I feel an obligatory urge to make myself less in-debt by an attempt at reciprocation. 🥴
What an insight! I think your writing is beautiful. And I've added a book to my book pile.
Brenda, thank you so much for taking the time to send me such an encouraging note! That really means a lot to me :)
And please let me know what you think of the book!!
I struggle with receiving anything from God. I tend to think everything comes down to my performance. Intellectually I know God loves people. Working in foster care and growing up in a loving but at times very unpredictable home I see how hard it is for us all to feel loved by real people, let alone a seemingly invisible God. Thank you for this. I love orphan stories. Have you ever read the children's novel Good Night Mr., Tom? There's a bathing of an orphan scene in it that's also very moving.
Adrienne, thanks for sharing your thoughts here! I've had to spend SO MUCH TIME processing with friends and in counseling what it means to let go of my desire to perform for others and for God. It's just so much easier to live in a meritocracy in which what I do earns me favor or disfavor. But God's grace has a hold on my life and is--I believe--slowly opening me up to unearned love. It is hard to understand.
And no I have not heard of that book! That sounds beautiful!
The only problem with the meritocracy is that you can never be good enough. LOL Ugh. Life is challenging.
It's a great little British story about an abused little boy sent to live with an embittered old man in the country during WW2. Both are healed by their relationship.
This was such a needed read, thank you for posting.
You are so welcome! I'm glad you appreciated it :)
This was so beautiful. Thank you for sharing with us.
Lauren that is so kind! Thank you!
This seeped right into my soul. Thank you.
(And thank you for the book recommendations too.)
Kristin--you are SO welcome. Thanks for taking the time to let me know :)
I only want to give good book recs, and this is one of the best!
Requesting from the library. Thank you! I find it fascinating that we need a new lexicon for certain experiences. I often think of the hard things; my written work centers on this. But to think I need new vocabulary for good things too. Something to ponder.
One of my favorite (and least favorite) things about language is that it is inexhaustible and--at times--insufficient. There are always new ways of describing experiences, yet we often have such a difficult time putting experiences into words. It's quite the paradox.
I love the idea of receiving.
Alas, I’m terrible at it - from people, from God.
I had an experience this weekend where I practiced receiving care from people and it was eye-opening.
Thank you for the reminder that God offers me this (all the time), too.
Hi Ellie! The people around us are the hands and feet of Jesus often, and they are a reminder to me of God's love. It can be so difficult to divorce myself from a sense of reciprocity--that I can only receive love if I am actively offering it in return. That I only deserve it if I am performing well.
Yes, my struggle is *knowing* I don’t owe anyone anything, but feeling like I *want* to bring a meal over as a thank you or send back their Tupperware filled with cookies. Like, do I actually *want* to or do I feel an obligatory urge to make myself less in-debt by an attempt at reciprocation. 🥴
Alas, what can I do but work on it.
I always enjoy your pieces, Drew. Thanks.
I listened to Foster on audio, and it was lovely. I wanted to go back and read it again when I finished.
Have you read Small Things like These?! If not, you should!
You have such a beautiful way with words! Just what my soul hungered to hear today! Thank you.
Mae--oh my goodness you didn't need to take the time to send such a beautiful note, but I am so grateful you did. Thank you for your kindness!