Witnessing with our scars

Testifying to life

Sunrise in the Sierras by Albert Bierstadt, ca. 1872.

“Life will inevitably crush you, at one point or another, and your response to that suffering will testify to something.”

-Alan Noble (On Getting Out of Bed, 35)

I’m sitting out on my deck working on my application for a Doctor of Ministry program called the Sacred Art of Writing. As a part of the application I am supposed to write about three books I’ve read in the past year. I’m almost done, on my last book:

𝐎. 𝐀𝐥𝐚𝐧 𝐍𝐨𝐛𝐥𝐞

’s On Getting Out of Bed: The Burden & Gift of Living.

I read it a little over a year ago during an especially hard season of life. My mind was overheating almost every day, and around each corner and under every bed was another monster. Countless monsters, it seemed. I wrote about my experience during that time here:

Living with mental illness

I’m looking at the book now, a year and what feels like a lifetime removed from that season. I am back on my feet, yet my brain still whirs. It’s whirring tonight, threatening to overheat. But still, I feel more whole, more secure. I am grateful to God for that.

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Yesterday I went to Wednesday night church, and the pastor shared a story about feeling called by God to text a congregant in the middle of the night just to remind her that she was loved. He wasn’t sure why, didn’t have any idea why, in the middle of the night, he was supposed to text her.

A few months later he found out she was in a moment of acute distress at the exact moment of his text. His text was a reminder for her that she was seen, that she was known, that she was loved.

I love when God does that, when God provides us reminders—many times as simple as texts—of our value and worth. We are able to be signposts—for our fellow humans, for our family, our friends, our communities—that God is good and that we are loved. That’s one of the reasons I write about my struggles, why I write about my overheating mind. Because I believe that in my scars you might see something of your own and somehow—through that—you will see your own belovedness.

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Noble continues the quote a led with above. He writes,

“Life will inevitably crush you, at one point or another, and your response to that suffering will testify to something. There will be times when subjectively you will be convinced that life is not worth living, and that existence is not beautiful or good but onerous and meaningless. When those times come, your obligation is to look toward others as witnesses of God’s goodness, to remember your responsibilities to care for others, and to remember that you are always a witness, whether you want to be or not. But most of all, remember that you are God’s beloved. This means acknowledging the objective reality that life is good, and that despite our distress, we must get up and carry on” (35-36).

We are each witnesses. Every single one of us. This includes you. And a part of this witness is also being a witness to suffering. We are each witnesses—in one way or another—of a life that has a way of scathing us, burning us, maiming our hopes and desires and dreams. We have scars and open wounds to prove this.

But, as Christians, we also have hope to know that these wounds can also be found on the body of Christ. His flesh torn open, his bones crushed, his lungs filled with rising liquid. All of this happened to him, and all of this means he is with us in our woundedness. We are God’s beloved, and even God’s Beloved had wounds.

Therefore, we are also, as Christians, witnesses to others of God’s life and God’s love, despite the suffering, despite the distress.

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I don’t know where you are. If you are reading this without any hope, may I be a voice in the wilderness telling you God is still present. I have been where you are. I have physically been on the ground unsure how I was ever going to get up. And, somehow, I did. Please know you are God’s beloved, that the sun—even though it is currently dipping west in Michigan—will rise again tomorrow. There is still time, and God is with you in your suffering.

And if you are reading this full of hope, redeemed by God, remember your scars. How is God calling you to share them with others? How are you called to be a witness to redemption, a reminder of hope, a testament of goodness? We do not live solo in this world, there are always people looking to us for hope and humanity. Show it to them in the form of your scars, and use your scars to point them to Christ.

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God is good and you are loved. I promise.